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Got A BJ From A Less Then Appealing Woman.

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#51 trickykids

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 11:47 AM

inb4 OP reveals that said bj was actually done through the internets on some video chat/text thing.
(flame)

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Squat.................. 255lbs x 12/ 355lbs/ 335lbs
Bench Press......... 240lbs x 10/ 320lbs/ 310lbs
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#52 TheMyth89

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 11:54 AM

I think you did good dmueller...i also live in Nebraska btw...its always good to have lots of fat sluts available



Where at? Omaha? Lincoln?


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#53 TheMyth89

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 11:56 AM

inb4 OP reveals that said bj was actually done through the internets on some video chat/text thing.
(flame)



Low blow you fawker lmao...


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#54 TheMyth89

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 11:57 AM

See if she is willing to do some really weird stuff, and then report results.

You know, have her dress up her tweed for the holidays (some food coloring might make her labia look like a handsome holiday wreath), have her masturbate for you while you shout out directions - and pretend to be a Hollywood director, blast all over her and then try to rub the goo in as it it was transdermal trest, let one rip while she is knobbing the hootis, walk in an take a dump while she is in the shower (and turn off the exhaust fan as you walk out), maybe some PIITB and/or A2M.

And that could be the plan for just be the second date.

I'm getting some snacks. Walnuts and string cheese, anyone?



I got my BJ and that's all I wanted. I've blocked her as she was blowing my phone up asking me "hope you liked it, was it good"?. Yada Yada yada.


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#55 BeauB

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 12:08 PM

I got my BJ and that's all I wanted. I've blocked her as she was blowing my phone up asking me "hope you liked it, was it good"?. Yada Yada yada.


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I am not sure that was the right move.

You may want to try this instead:

You: "Hey Giant Girl, you've been sending me a lot of texts. I assume that means you enjoyed eating my sperm and were impressed with my swollen man-root".

Giant Girl: "I'm hungry"

You: "Then how about another serving of the essence of my trouser trout - I can fire that stuff in your mouth whenever you like".

Giant Girl: "OK, then can we go to Denny's for a delicious Grand Slam breakfast?"

You: "No, no - I want to take this relationship slowly - I do not believe we are at the point at which I should spend money on you. Wanna knob me again? And about those texts, knock it the hell off - only text me when you are naked and wet, OK? And maybe you can rub one off before I get there, so I don't have to touch you. According to my pal Dom, you are icky".

Giant Girl: "I will knob you, boyfriend who tried to post this thread as anonymous but failed"

You: "After that, can we do some weird stuff, so I can report everything back to my pals and give them a good laugh? Nothing extreme, I just want to corn hole you and then see if you'll blow me again immediately upon pulling out of your (somewhat red-pimpled) butt?"

Giant Girl: "If I do, then will you take me to Denny's for a delicious Grand Slam breakfast?"

You: "OK, but no side orders of bacon or orange juice. And knock off that boyfriend crap".

You: "One more thing, I want you to call me Captain Kirk when I am in your butt"

Giant Girl: "I don't know, that seems strange".

You: "I'll toss in some walnuts and string cheese".

Giant Girl: "Then I am your girl - maybe this will be fun -- since I've never had someone pretending to be William Shattner up my ass before".



As you see, this can work out nicely for you.

Edited by BeauB, 20 December 2013 - 01:01 PM.


#56 Domenic

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 12:13 PM

I like Beau when I'm not the object of his barbs.




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#57 ryhigh

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 12:54 PM

Beau you should be a short story author
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#58 TheMyth89

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 01:03 PM

Beau post of the fucking year award. Where do you get this shit from. You are cracking me the heck up. Do Stand up comedy, this is fucking funny as anything I've ever read before.


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#59 newdisplayname

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 01:26 PM

I got my BJ and that's all I wanted. I've blocked her as she was blowing my phone up asking me "hope you liked it, was it good"?. Yada Yada yada.


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why exactly are you blowing this girl off? if the tables were turned and she was giving you the cold shoulder you'd be punching holes in the walls at your dads house.
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#60 TheMyth89

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 01:29 PM

why exactly are you blowing this girl off? if the tables were turned and she was giving you the cold shoulder you'd be punching holes in the walls at your dads house.



Dam I just got owned. She isn't my type and I prolly shouldn't of even went over there. I have no emotional connection to her, I did tell her I needed time to think about things and she understood.


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#61 ryhigh

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 01:33 PM

Think about twat? She swallowed your babies, and that twas that. I ****z understand why you don't tell her that's all it was.
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#62 ryhigh

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 01:34 PM

haha why does it automatically bleep out c u n t

#63 newdisplayname

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 01:41 PM

[QUOTE=dmueller9834;1380494I did tell her I needed time to think about things and she understood.[/QUOTE]

you seem like you are painfully immature but you don't sound like you are a truely a bad guy. Keep treating people like shit and you will be treated like shit in return. Is that the kind of image you want? a short, bitter, balding fuckface that treats chicks like shit to make himsellf feel better?

If you're not interested let her know it the way you'd want to be told. move on and make better choices in the future.
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#64 BeauB

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 01:42 PM

Don't hate her just because she is enormous.

Am I the only one here that envisions her as a sort of Richie Incognito in a dress, with tastefull make-up?

#65 ryhigh

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 01:45 PM

That's a disturbing image
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#66 TheMyth89

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 01:49 PM

you seem like you are painfully immature but you don't sound like you are a truely a bad guy. Keep treating people like shit and you will be treated like shit in return. Is that the kind of image you want? a short, bitter, balding fuckface that treats chicks like shit to make himsellf feel better?

If you're not interested let her know it the way you'd want to be told. move on and make better choices in the future.



I actually don't treat people bad and to be honest I was simply in the mood and had a women to please me at my disposal. I don't consider myself a fuckface and a bitter person. In fact I love my life and everyone and everything in it.

Here is the text I sent her:

"Hey Laura this is Devin. I've had some time to think and I rushed things. You have a lot of great qualities as a person but I've disrespected and acted out of line. I'm not as interested as I thought I was. I wish you endless happiness and success in your future!

Sincerely,

Devin"


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#67 Domenic

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 01:56 PM

Don't hate her just because she is enormous.

Am I the only one here that envisions her as a sort of Richie Incognito in a dress, with tastefull make-up?


Reps for Dolphins reference.



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#68 Domenic

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 01:59 PM

Tried to detective this bitch... found DM in less than 10 seconds, but he has no Facebook friend named Laura. Just Laurel.



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#69 roscoe221

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 03:43 PM

I actually don't treat people bad and to be honest I was simply in the mood and had a women to please me at my disposal. I don't consider myself a fuckface and a bitter person. In fact I love my life and everyone and everything in it.

Here is the text I sent her:

"Hey Laura this is Devin. I've had some time to think and I rushed things. You have a lot of great qualities as a person but I've disrespected and acted out of line. I'm not as interested as I thought I was. I wish you endless happiness and success in your future!


Sincerely,

Devin"


Sent from iPhone.


So you fired her.

#70 TheMyth89

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 03:57 PM

Tried to detective this bitch... found DM in less than 10 seconds, but he has no Facebook friend named Laura. Just Laurel.



Sent From Phone, You Sonamabish.



Add me on the book? No homo......


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#71 Domenic

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 03:57 PM

In time... in time...




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#72 Domenic

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 03:58 PM

okay now.



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#73 BeauB

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 04:52 PM

Here is the text I sent her:

"Hey Laura this is Devin. I've had some time to think and I am overwhelmed with your genrosity. rushed things. You have a lot of great qualities as a person but I've disrespected and acted out of line. I'm not as interested as I thought I was. I wish you endless happiness and success in your future!

Sincerely,

Devin"


Sent from iPhone.



That’s really odd.

The copy she forwarded to her friends and family reads differently. Here it is:

"Hey Laura this is Devin. I've had some time to think and I am simply overwhelmed with your generosity. Just think, a few short days ago I didn’t even know you and yet within a couple of days, and with almost no cash outlay on my part, I found my raging hard-on in your mouth. And it would be rude if I failed to compliment you on your technique. I found myself smiling last night when I thought about you humming that David Bowie song while you were blowing me. I’ll never think of Major Tom the same way again. I hope the back of your throat heals from those abrasions; I guess when I was blowing my nut I sort of spiraled out of control. I probably should have let go of your ears a few thrusts earlier. And thank you for swallowing. The last broad I did this with said something about my spunk tasting as if I had an infection, and spit it out like mouthwash. That bitch cost me $125 (damn, the cost of having the interior of your car detailed is crazy). Life is funny, I never thought I would ejaculate in the mouth of a woman I did not find the least bit attractive (actually, sort of repulsive), but then I met you. I suppose I should say something like “You have a lot of great qualities as a person”, but - seriously - how would I know? The only quality I can attest to is that you can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch, and you have sort of a funky smell “down there”. Needless to say, I have no further use for you. Oh, my friend Eric goes to a dermatologist, in case you need a referral for those bumps on your ass”.

Edited by BeauB, 20 December 2013 - 04:59 PM.

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#74 Domenic

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Posted 20 December 2013 - 04:55 PM

Tl;Dr




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#75 BeauB

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Posted 23 December 2013 - 03:01 PM

Please up date us.

I heard they had to pump Laura's stomach, but it wasn't made clear if it was because of (a) massive overdose of valium resulting from cruel rejection by Devin, the Anonymous, after having coerced Laura to felate him on fraudulent grounds, or (B) subsequent date with Devin (apparently sometime after he took a massive dose of Clomid), during which a repeat oral performance, also on fraudulent grounds, occurred.

It has been reported that Laura, disheveled and in a daze, was found walking around a mall jewelry store saying “every kiss begins with K, but my breath smells like chlorine”.

So many unanswered questions.





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