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I Think I Am Having Girl Problems


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#51 Looseunitwa

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Posted 30 August 2015 - 02:10 AM

Can't you change to a different meeting? Sorry don't know how the system works.
It's just that if she makes you uncomfortable at one of these meetings, and Im assuming you should NOT in anyway be uncomfortable.......then move?

Your loss of peace isn't worth it champ!

Let go of your attachment..........it only leads to jealousy!
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#52 BrianP0523

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Posted 30 August 2015 - 02:23 AM

i really don't want to leave one of my homegroups. the other one i've been thinking about leaving anyone, so it doesn't really matter.



#53 BrianP0523

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Posted 30 August 2015 - 03:18 AM

i think i'm just gonna go to different meetings until my emotions settle down. not worth it to go to a meeting and be angy, sad, irritated, etc.  i go to meetings to hear a message of hope, not for this bullshit.  i think my higher power must be pushing me to make some changes here.  God is good, all the time.



#54 BeauB

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Posted 30 August 2015 - 11:21 AM

she seems to be hanging out with some other NA guy now. she has been showing up at both my homegroups and told me today that the other guy is being an asshole.  she texted me the other day that she missed me and was sorry how shit went down. like an idiot, i texted her back that i missed her too and a couple of other things.  now, i realize i have made a VERY BAD DECISION (because intentionally texting someone is certainly not a mistake  - because it sure didn't happen accidentally).  i deleted her from my phone but i'm not at all comfortable seeing her at meetings. fuck me.


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#55 BrianP0523

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Posted 30 August 2015 - 03:08 PM

that's what i meant, very bad decision. my decision-making skills have been very poor lately. pray for me, brahs. i need to get back on that spiritual beam.



#56 Looseunitwa

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Posted 30 August 2015 - 06:18 PM

Hang in there champ.......keep your eye on the prize!

And remember, because I really believe this these days, your a GOOD guy, most of us are actually GOOD guys. Others judge us men it seems nowadays as if make one mistake, it's titled to your character for ever. Even tho it's totally against your character, we don't have a advocate in our corner. It's weird in theses times on this I believe. We find it hard now to voice our opinions, and generally our opinions are short and direct and correct.......simple judgement. But everyone else about wants to try and turn the worm to their advantage, even if they a wrong and the worst part is that they know they are fukin wrong. Strange.......

#57 SimonBoyle

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Posted 30 August 2015 - 06:35 PM

Hang in there champ.......keep your eye on the prize!

And remember, because I really believe this these days, your a GOOD guy, most of us are actually GOOD guys. Others judge us men it seems nowadays as if make one mistake, it's titled to your character for ever. Even tho it's totally against your character, we don't have a advocate in our corner. It's weird in theses times on this I believe. We find it hard now to voice our opinions, and generally our opinions are short and direct and correct.......simple judgement. But everyone else about wants to try and turn the worm to their advantage, even if they a wrong and the worst part is that they know they are fukin wrong. Strange.......

I.........

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

am a cunt!


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#58 BeauB

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Posted 30 August 2015 - 06:45 PM

My unsolicited advice:
 
1.  Figure out your priorities;
2.  Hold yourself accountable for pursuing only those things that directly support those priorities and refuse to allow yourself to do anything counter to your priorities;
3.  If you have a good enough friend who is willing to invest the time (I do it for someone) have them hold you accountable. If you have this type of friend - someone willing to tell you what you need to hear - then you are lucky.  Be smart enough to ask them to, and then listen to them when they, hold up a proverbial mirror to you so you can see your behaviors are they REALLY are and see what they are doing (to you and others).  If he tells you what you do not want to hear, it may ruin your friendship.  Take that chance;
4.  You mentioned spiritual beam.  I don't know what that means, although it is either a piece of gymnastic equipment of part of a faith life.  If it means part of a faith life and that means committing to follow certain religious principles, then good for you - and you will need to do whatever you can to follow them.  Part of that means surrounding yourself with others who hold those same beliefs (see #3 above);
5.  If your 1st priority is to deal with some type of problem (drug abuse, alcohol abuse, anger, domestic violence, etc), then  I will strongly encourage you to avoid a relationship - especially with someone who also needs their own healing.  You job is not to be Peter Pan to someone else, or to be a hero to another broken person.  Your job is to figure out what it takes to heal the broken places in you.  Railing some broad you barely know and who has her own issues will rarely do that.  These are rarely genital issues.  Instead, they are mostly emotional or chemical issues.  That needs to be your focus, rather that her groin. Think you have problems now? Try throwing an unplanned child into the mix (I doubt you know her well enough to know her stand on abortion).
 
Also, stop texting.  That means no texting her or anyone else - for a month.  Many suggest texting (and other forms of instant pseudo-communication) is almost addictive in and of itself.  Real relationships are more than monosyllabic utterances.  Develop real relationships.  That takes time and involves the risk of being vulnerable.
 
There is a difference between being good and being nice.  Just focus on being good, doing the right things - and measure yourself with appropriate standards. 
 
This is the stuff I write when I am not writing nonsense intended mostly to make me laugh.  It is a lot less fun and most on this forum probably think I am an asshole for being so blunt.  Regardless, this is heartfelt and well intended.
 
Good luck.

#59 Looseunitwa

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Posted 30 August 2015 - 06:46 PM

I.........
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
am a cunt!



Me too.....arg such is life
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#60 alphadrol

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Posted 10 September 2015 - 11:17 PM

i met this chick and she seemed to be all in to me, we've been talking daily, went out to lunch last week. yesterday she mentioned that she was supposed to go on this date with another guy who has been "pressuring" her to date him, to the point she was having an anxiety attack yesterday. also, she seemed extremely depressed when i talked to her yesterday.  today i sent her a text and she has not responded. i suppose this is why they say not to get involved with newcomers to 12-step programs.  not sure if i should be sad or counting my blessings, or both. also, i'm legitimately concerned for her well-being. just thought i'd share my tale of woe with you bros.  sorry for being so beta on a sunday afternoon.

I too have been a victim of females like this.

 

Now that I am older and wiser, I suggest the "retreat now" option. Many fish in the sea.


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#61 BrianP0523

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Posted 11 September 2015 - 05:43 PM

she still texts me like once a week. i have been responding, politely, but i think i am either going to ignore her, ask her to stop, or block her number. i can't have this negativity in my life. i have re-committed myself to only hanging around with people who actually work the program, and i've started the stepwork again.  i feel like i have awoken from a nightmare, and the fog is clearing now. :)  i have switched my secondary homegroup but am going to keep my main one. i'll just have to put up with her being there for now. i have not been there in two weeks, but that's because of how busy work has been.



#62 BrianP0523

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Posted 11 September 2015 - 05:47 PM

i sure can pick them. :(



#63 Looseunitwa

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Posted 13 September 2015 - 04:00 AM

Believe in your self champ...........
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#64 BeauB

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Posted 13 September 2015 - 12:43 PM

It might be worthwhile to go back and do an inventory/history of how all of this came about and what  you may have done to cause/create/further/contribute to this situation.

 

What role did she play?

 

What role did you play?

 

Why did you play the role you did (after having been cautioned)?

 

Were you happy with the results of the role you played?

 

If not, how will you avoid playing that role again?  Unless there is an intentional set of decisions to do things differently, people tend to follow previously established patterns of behavior.

 

How might the results have differed if you did not play the role you played?

 

Is it highly probable you would have been happier with those results?

 

Think about results and have an epiphany.


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#65 BrianP0523

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Posted 13 September 2015 - 03:39 PM

i'm certain i'll address this as do the stepwork again. but i have thought about it somewhat already. those are good questions tho, i'll give them some thought.



#66 Looseunitwa

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Posted 14 September 2015 - 01:18 AM

Ne don't forget to breathe champ............go over what Beau stated but breathe thru the answers. I know that sounds weird but it really does focus you and can give clarity.

#67 BrianP0523

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Posted 14 September 2015 - 03:16 AM

i don't have girl problems, i have a me problem.



#68 SimonBoyle

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Posted 14 September 2015 - 12:12 PM

I have a "you" problem too.
Man up!😂😂😂
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#69 BrianP0523

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Posted 28 September 2015 - 07:55 PM

she texted me again tonight. the text said "hey"  i ignored it.


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#70 Looseunitwa

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Posted 30 September 2015 - 12:58 AM

she texted me again tonight. the text said "hey"  i ignored it.



Good man..................stronger than ya think!

#71 Treasure86

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Posted 02 October 2015 - 06:39 PM

OP i'm glad you're doing so much better. In my experience newcomers (both men and women) are very unpredictable and emotionally immature. I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years but we both had a few years under our belt when we met



#72 BrianP0523

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Posted 02 October 2015 - 07:25 PM

yea, i mean i should have known better but i've turned it into a positive as it has made me more vigilant and led me back to working and living the steps.  i just wish i made better decisions



#73 BeauB

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Posted 02 October 2015 - 08:41 PM

i just wish i made better decisions


Seems to me like you have started.

Kudos.

#74 BrianP0523

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Posted 02 October 2015 - 08:57 PM

thanks Beau. i'm working on it.


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#75 BeauB

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Posted 14 October 2015 - 09:58 PM

Still doing well (I hope)?






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